Episode 14 – Twelve Days of Christmas

We’ve all suffered the Twelve Days of Christmas carol ad nauseam, but have you ever stopped to consider the history of this excessively generous barrage of gift giving? And could you remember the full gift register of disparate live poultry and hired performers, in reverse, under pressure that if you forfeit it could result in a lingering, beery pash from your druncle as part of a post-feast memory game? This silly season it’s not all swans, lords a-leaping and golden rings; get those chestnuts roasting on an open fire and prepare yourself for a jolly visit from three creepy, merrymaking friends disguised in festive-yet-ghoulish pillowcase masks.


Mummering describes the Christmastime practice of visiting several homes throughout an evening while dressed in a disguise. They might change their walk, talk, shape, or size—whatever it takes to make them unrecognizable to the hosts of the homes they visit. Once the hosts guess who the mummers are, they take off their masks and stay for a party or social.
View a heartwarming and terrifying gallery of Mummers

Star Wars Holiday Special (Complete, thank us later)

The Twelve Days of Christmas (The traditional version we all know and despise)

Twelve drummers drumming
Eleven pipers piping
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings
Four calling birds
Three French hens
Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree

The Twelve Days of Christmas (The Sinatra Family Christmas version)

Twelve dozen kisses (it may be HUGS AND KISSES, but twelve dozen kisses are what the interwebs said).
Eleven jars of jelly
Ten silken (linen) hankies
Nine games of scrabble
Eight pairs of cufflinks
Seven books of fiction
Six woolen nightshirts
Five ivory combs
Four meerschaum pipes
Three golf clubs
Two silken scarfs
And a most lovely lavender tie

Heavy Metal Christmas (The Twelve Days of Christmas) – Twisted Sister
A Twisted Christmas is the seventh and final studio album by the American heavy metal group Twisted Sister.

Twelve silver crosses
Eleven black mascaras
Ten pairs of platforms
Nine tattered t-shirts
Eight pentagrams
Seven leather jackets
Six cans of hairspray
Five skull earrings
Four quarts of Jack
Three studded belts
Two pairs of spandex pants
And a tattoo of Ozzy…

Other notable versions

Frank Sintara – The Future

And finally, if you want to buy seven swans for your true love
You can purchase your swans through these guys – we’re not getting any kick-backs.